• To Live Well is to Love Well
    Relationship Counseling for Couples and Individuals
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Couples Counseling

Sometimes being in a relationship is hard. You’ve done everything you could to talk about what’s not working. You are wondering if the kindness and respect you crave will ever be a part of your relationship again. You worry about your sex life and how to connect on all levels – emotionally, physically and spiritually.

I can show you a way to rekindle the connection and intimacy you crave.

 

Know How To Communicate in a Non-Confrontational Way

Resolving conflict means putting yourself into your partner’s shoes and learning how to develop empathy with each other.

So often what happens is that one person tries to do much of the communicating while the other withdraws. Both partners want to connect. Yet one ends up feeling that there is no way to get through while the other gets easily overwhelmed and retreats.

I can help you break through these patterns. One of the most powerful tools I use is the Imago dialogue, created by Harville Hendrix. I will coach you to express yourself in an honest but sensible way without hurting your partner. Your partner in return will reflect back what you are saying, and you will feel validated and fully understood.

 

What You Will Get Out Of It

Communicate in a way that deepens your connection

Create a new relationship vision

Tools to calm yourself down when the conversation gets heated

Learn about your triggers and how to navigate them

Let go of unproductive patterns of relating that stem from the past

Rekindle romance

Renew and recreate a fulfilling sex life

 

Infidelity

If an emotional or sexual affair is interfering, the partners will determine a set amount of time in which the couple commits to working exclusively on their relationship. 

 

Couples Counseling Options

1. Infuse New Life Into Your Relationship: Ten session package

2. Rekindle Your Sexual Connection: Three session package

3. Ongoing Couples Therapy/Sex therapy

 

Premarital Counseling

Premarital counseling doesn’t mean that something is wrong from the get go. It means that you care so much about it that you want to make sure that misunderstandings or past experiences won’t get in the way of moving forward.

 

The Conscious Separation

If you are at a stage where it feels like the relationship cannot be restored, I can help you process the intense feelings a separation triggers and move you towards an intentional divorce. A compassionate way to end a relationship makes it possible for families, and especially their children, to avoid the trauma of divorce. 

I have worked with many couples from different walks of life including minorities as well as gay and lesbian partners.

 

If you are ready to reconnect with your partner, contact me at gerti@gertischoen.net or call 917.607.4525 for a 15-minute free phone consultation.

 

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. " Rumi 

Individual Counseling

Very often, emotional pain means relationship pain. It’s the bonds we form that provide happiness but also the pain we are going through. When we struggle that way, we question if and how certain relationships can continue. We have a hard time sorting out when to work on the relationship and when to let it go, what we are responsible for and what is out of our control. Anxiety, depression and anger are often connected to our relationships.

 

Anxiety

Do you feel anxious, overwhelmed, stressed and constantly worried? Do you have panic attacks or strong fears? Are you uncomfortable in social situations? Are pervasive doubts and low self esteem clouding your thoughts?

Stress, anxiety and fear are among the most common mental health issues in the United States. One in three Americans will develop some form of anxiety disorder during their lives. 



Depression

Do you feel a pervasive lack of motivation, loneliness or hopelessness? Is it hard to get out of the house and to engage with life? Do you feel disconnected from the world or sad and depressed most of the time?

Depression often results from the losses we had to endure and that are hard to get over. We need to relief the parts of us that carry a heavy burden so we can feel joyful again.



Anger and Addictions

Do you get angry or irritated a lot? Does frustration come out in explosive outbursts? Do you find yourself making choices rooted in impulsivity? Do you have a hard time trusting? Are you trying to numb emotional pain by drinking, taking drugs or excessive internet usage?

Symptoms like any of the ones described on this page may be rooted in traumatic experiences. Trauma results not only from physical, sexual and verbal abuse. It also may be caused by persistent neglect, betrayal and chronically dysfunctional family relationships; by constant criticism or ridicule; by being rejected or left out many times; by pervasively anxious parenting; or by single traumatic events like illness, accidents, violence or the loss of a loved one. By restoring faith in ourselves, we can overcome traumatic experiences and tap into the innate calm and peacefulness of the self.   

 

Letting Go

Letting go is one of the most important while most challenging tasks in life. We must learn how to cope with the many losses that we are confronted with, small and large. Relationships depend on our ability to let go off resentment and overly idealistic expectations. Flowing through life without clinging to what has passed enables us to life more fully in the moment.

 

If you are ready to rebuild your life, contact me at gerti@gertischoen.net or call 917.607.4525 for a 15-minute free phone consultation.

My Philosophy


“Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb, we are bound to others, past and present. And by each crime and every kindness we birth our future.”

                                                                                                David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas

 

I came to couples counseling after my own relationship went through a crisis. My husband and I weren't communicating any more and it seemed like we wanted different things from life.

Everything changed after I started to take a good look at myself. By studying Imago relationship therapy, I realized how many factors come into play when we choose a partner. I learned to take responsibility for how I contributed to our problems, and our relationship changed drastically. Today we are more connected than ever before.

 

The Spiritual Path

I have a deep interest in spirituality and how it can enhance our lives. Psychotherapy and spirituality have the same roots. In many ways, modern therapists are now doing the work of the priests and monks of the past. I believe that behind all our struggles and anxieties there is an entity that is calm, strong and peaceful and knows what is right. Some people call this entity the Self. Others call it the Soul.

We therapists work to uncover these often hidden strengths of the Soul. We look at all the protective layers we had to build in order to be safe and peel them back, layer by layer, to discover what is really at our core. We find out where our creative forces lie, and how to let go of the obstacles that hold us back. 

I have studied Eastern Philosophy for more than ten years and have come to greatly appreciate how much the teachings can help in the therapeutic process. A core element of Mindfulness, which is based on Buddhist philosophy, is how important it is to flow with life’s experiences. Much of the pain we encounter is less about the losses we have to endure, but about the struggle against these losses. If we can accept that a certain amount of pain and disappointment is a part of life and stop expecting perpetual bliss at all times, we can relax easier into what life throws at us and come to terms with the cards we have been dealt. That is what real happiness means.

 

The Soul’s Purpose

My Philosophy is based on an effort to develop a sense of purpose and the self love that so often is missing, and which is at the heart of our unhappiness. External difficulties can be met with so much more grace and strength when our internal conflicts are resolved. As soon as we can learn to smile at our own fear and resentment, we can stand up confidently to whoever is in our way.

When I work with couples I operate from the premise that couples unconsciously seek each other out in order to heal from past experiences. The areas we clash in are usually those that need attention and healing from what was not provided earlier in life, and therefore need special care and attention to grow.

 

Training - Theoretical Orientation - Publications

My work has been informed mostly by psychoanalytic thought, Person Centered Psychotherapy, Imago Relationship Therapy and Internal Family Systems Therapy. My main modes of practice are proven techniques such as psychodynamic therapy, cognitive behavioral interventions, mindfulness, and short to medium term psychoanalytic therapy.

I completed my training in psychodynamic psychotherapy at the Washington Square Institute and the Training and Research Institute in Self Psychology in New York, and have been practicing therapy as well as meditation since 2002. I am always continuing to learn and often take classes at the Center for Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis of New Jersey (CPPNJ).

Before I became a mental health professional, I had a fulfilling career as a journalist and writer in Germany and the US. I still write my blog and have published two books, The Gentle Self and Buddha Betrayed

I am in New York and New Jersey. Click here for a map

FAQ & Contact Me

 

Gerti Schoen

Licensed Psychotherapist, MA, LP
Certified Imago Relationship Counselor

T: 917.607.4525

gerti@gertischoen.net

 

Office locations:

1 Milligan Place, Office NYPCRC 3

New York, NY 10011
 

61 North Maple Avenue, Suite 301

Ridgewood, NJ 07450
 

Office hours and location:

Tuesday 12pm – 9pm New York
Wednesday 12pm – 9pm New York
Thursday 12pm – 9pm New York
Friday 12pm – 9pm Ridgewood NJ
Saturday 9am - 5pm Ridgewood NJ


Insurance:

In network: Aetna, Cigna New York ONLY
Out of network New York/New Jersey

 

The fee for a couples session (60 minutes) is $150 and for individuals (45 minutes) $125.

A sliding scale is available for those with insufficient insurance coverage.

Expenses for psychotherapy that aren't covered by insurance are tax deductible.

Payment: Cash, check, credit card (fees may apply)

There is a 24 hour cancellation policy if you have to miss a scheduled session

 

Online Therapy

Online Therapy is a convenient way to communicate if you live further away, or to stay connected when traveling. I prefer to use Vsee.com, which provides a safe and confidential way to communicate via the internet. 

 

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